Much like ice-cream though, you can have too much of a good thing as we discovered after a morning of trying to unstick its back-end. With the Continuous Damping Control activated, the handling didn’t falter but the same couldn’t be said for our stomachs. It’s a wholly unnatural experience heaving a mammoth 4x4 around tight bends and staging a traffic-light shoot-out in just 0.2 of a second slower than a Golf R32 hot hatch but surprisingly enough the R50 is very compliant. It stays right on course and ends up where you want it to. The brakes were also a test of guts; they worked fine but they didn’t let you know that until you’d properly stamped on them.
Now some would say that all these hyper-performing, fuel guzzling pimp-mobiles are quite unnecessary but so is cutting your hair and wearing clothes and most of us still do that. Sure, you wouldn’t buy an R-50 to make a political statement, you’d buy it because it’s the best you can afford and it makes you feel good. Well it does until someone points out the 22.4mpg figure which drops to 14mpg around town and then you’ve got the 333g/km emissions which will mean you have to fork out £400 a year in tax.
Standard equipment extends to Nappa leather sports seats, ‘R’ logos on the pedals, heated outer rear seats and a ski sack and net partition built in to the luggage quarters. Bi-Xenon headlights which can curve their lighting to see around bends are also included within the £61,990 package and there’s no excuse for getting lost with that DVD touchscreen Sat Nav. Okay so it hasn’t got a droptop (VW have to leave something to West Coast customs) but it does have 2Zone climate control so you’re Armani whites will be staying crisp and smelling good.